Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

I would also recommend contacting the PALS team at the hospital. They're an internal patient liaison team who are there to fight your corner, so if you feel like you're not getting the information or support you need from staff on the ward, and don't have the energy yourself to chase people, they can support you with this.

Just echoing what everyone else has already said Ad, my thoughts are with you both at this time.

jimbojango wrote:
If the medical staff don’t offer, ask about support from Marie Curie in your area, both for your wife and for you. They can often help answer questions you might have about practical issues that the NHS don’t cover.

Knoyleo wrote:I would also recommend contacting the PALS team at the hospital. They're an internal patient liaison team who are there to fight your corner, so if you feel like you're not getting the information or support you need from staff on the ward, and don't have the energy yourself to chase people, they can support you with this.

This is good thank you. The staff have been brilliant so far, but good to know there's other stuff to look out for that might not be brought up.

Been canceling holidays today, which is strawberry floating gooseberry fool. Not the loss of the holidays, but for the fun we have in each others company having them.

I've also discovered hanging around at meal times is good because someone then gets to eat the ice cream someone else doesn't want

I've just caught up. strawberry floating hell Ad, I don't know what else to say except that my thoughts are with you both.

Victor Mildew wrote:
I've also discovered hanging around at meal times is good because someone then gets to eat the ice cream someone else doesn't want

I've not spoken about this as I can't bear talking about such things, but we've had a shitty year with my stepdad receiving cancer treatment.

But I mention it here as there are always funny moments. For us, it's been the rage my stepdad gets himself into over sandwiches. His chemo treatments are almost always booked in just before lunchtime and he usually gets there in time for free sandwiches being handed out. He LOVES getting things for free, so for him it's the best thing since sliced bread (joke intended).

If he's ever late, or the treatment is early, and he misses the sandwiches, my mum has to hear about his disappointment for at least a day afterwards. It's now a running joke ("did you get your sandwich today?") every Monday, even though he's now finished treatment.

Just noticed Lewis offered to get a deliveroo in for Ad... well if you want a giant inflatable dildo pint of milk or bread sent round, we'd all be happy to whip round should you not face going out or that.

Moggy wrote:

Victor Mildew wrote:
I've also discovered hanging around at meal times is good because someone then gets to eat the ice cream someone else doesn't want

I've not spoken about this as I can't bear talking about such things, but we've had a shitty year with my stepdad receiving cancer treatment.

But I mention it here as there are always funny moments. For us, it's been the rage my stepdad gets himself into over sandwiches. His chemo treatments are almost always booked in just before lunchtime and he usually gets there in time for free sandwiches being handed out. He LOVES getting things for free, so for him it's the best thing since sliced bread (joke intended).

If he's ever late, or the treatment is early, and he misses the sandwiches, my mum has to hear about his disappointment for at least a day afterwards. It's now a running joke ("did you get your sandwich today?") every Monday, even though he's now finished treatment.

Sorry to hear that. strawberry floating cancer.

The sandwich thing is classic, people love to fixate on the daftest things

We were talking about how lovely and quiet her room is, when with peep show grade comedy timing, the old guy in the room opposite put his TV on full volume with some gooseberry fool 70s sounding cop show on, followed by some cowboy thing.

I'm so terribly sorry to hear about all this. Having been through it multiple times (albeit not my wife, strawberry float), most recently finding out only when they were already dead, but (this is important) NOT from cancer, or I wouldn't add to the pile - we just had no idea they were clear of it when they later died for no apparent reason (while in for tests).
I haven't really leant on this place as much as I could have lately, as this winter/past year has pretty much been a disaster, losing both family and companionship/partnership thought to be set for life, but it's important to know that we are all here to support you in a way that (I feel) the business and bustle of life can kind of move too quickly and circumstantially to really be the same. I sometimes feel like GRcade transcends certain things, and probably pretty much any "open" and old community does. Please use this space if you need it.

My mum is cancer free after battling it for years. There is hope. With things like "it's going to shorten life" (well, pretty much everything shortens life, including just living - you don't get younger!), you can be in remission with a % chance it will come back, even if cancer is completely removed. Nobody can really lie by saying that isn't true. Anyone can just "get" cancer and obviously the chances increase with age. You can lose 6 months or all of it. Quite often, the doctors don't actually know. So that's them managing expectations.
You can be completely free of cancer and chances are something else is going to tick along. Although complete or partial/mitigated cancer recovery or management is very very common these days, the gooseberry fool thing about cancer is not only can it be very vicious and stubborn and the treatment is hard, it (being just some bonkers gooseberry fool our bodies do, I like to think of it as haywire cell mitosis, something our bodies miraculously do all the time constantly and maybe goes wrong sometimes - mustn't it? I guess that's only speaking of tumorous cancers, not blood cancers and the like), can just pop up like this.

It does get easier settling the knowledge of a cancer diagnosis. The initial shock is probably the worst part. Having never had cancer, I will never say I know what it is like, but I do know what it is like to have immediate family just tossed in that whole cancer thing and all the emotional strife that comes with it. It's so incredibly hard to talk about. The not knowing things, the partial inability to really empathise with it, as you're not contemplating your own mortality, but someone else's, and the varying ways the individuals "deal" with their cancer and their rights to such (like my mum quite vehemently dislikes all the stuff about being "strong" and "the fight" - she doesn't see any sense in "fighting" her own body, it just decided to do this thing and she's a passenger, there's no point fighting with herself about it, or some omnipotent malevolent force, and I think she's right). Cancer is common sadly and the best way to deal with it is the best way to deal with most things, unfortunately. Live, keep on and try not to mourn the cancer in some way, certainly not before knowing what's happening with it. You can't know what you don't know until you know that, even more so those things you didn't know you didn't know. That's a gooseberry fool place to be. It's scary and of all the illnesses and ailments out there, I think cancer is one of the most evocative illnesses of those kinds of fears. Just not knowing gooseberry fool, then. I could have put it simpler.

I'm not entirely comfortable in what I say there but I've seldom written about it in retrospect, I don't think I mentioned it more than a couple of times, and it was not the first time. I just hope in time things can settle and like my mum's cancer journey it can indeed be a part of life, a different life - yes, but life nonetheless. I don't want to get into anything more morbid than that, but even then, it is all living until whatever comes to pass. I guess that's one way I've processed the experiences.

[It wasn't quite right what I said earlier about contemplating one's own mortality learning of someone else's cancer - I think cancer does do that, like a lot of sad or worrying news, I just make a clear distinction between that experience and saying something kind of stupid like, "I know how hard this must be for you" to someone with cancer, if you've never had cancer. That phrase is utter nonsense in so many contexts. If I had cancer and someone cancer-free said that I'd be pretty pissed off to be honest. And yet that is exactly what everyone is trying to do, and wants to do, and that isn't wrong. I can't articulate it well, but I think that's one of the most trying things about cancer.]

Green Gecko wrote:I'm so terribly sorry to hear about all this. Having been through it multiple times (albeit not my wife, strawberry float), most recently finding out only when they were already dead, but (this is important) NOT from cancer, or I wouldn't add to the pile - we just had no idea they were clear of it when they later died for no apparent reason (while in for tests).
I haven't really leant on this place as much as I could have lately, as this winter/past year has pretty much been a disaster, losing both family and companionship/partnership thought to be set for life, but it's important to know that we are all here to support you in a way that (I feel) the business and bustle of life can kind of move too quickly and circumstantially to really be the same. I sometimes feel like GRcade transcends certain things, and probably pretty much any "open" and old community does. Please use this space if you need it.

My mum is cancer free after battling it for years. There is hope. With things like "it's going to shorten life" (well, pretty much everything shortens life, including just living - you don't get younger!), you can be in remission with a % chance it will come back, even if cancer is completely removed. Nobody can really lie by saying that isn't true. Anyone can just "get" cancer and obviously the chances increase with age. You can lose 6 months or all of it. Quite often, the doctors don't actually know. So that's them managing expectations.
You can be completely free of cancer and chances are something else is going to tick along. Although complete or partial/mitigated cancer recovery or management is very very common these days, the gooseberry fool thing about cancer is not only can it be very vicious and stubborn and the treatment is hard, it (being just some bonkers gooseberry fool our bodies do, I like to think of it as haywire cell mitosis, something our bodies miraculously do all the time constantly and maybe goes wrong sometimes - mustn't it? I guess that's only speaking of tumorous cancers, not blood cancers and the like), can just pop up like this.

It does get easier settling the knowledge of a cancer diagnosis. The initial shock is probably the worst part. Having never had cancer, I will never say I know what it is like, but I do know what it is like to have immediate family just tossed in that whole cancer thing and all the emotional strife that comes with it. It's so incredibly hard to talk about. The not knowing things, the partial inability to really empathise with it, as you're not contemplating your own mortality, but someone else's, and the varying ways the individuals "deal" with their cancer and their rights to such (like my mum quite vehemently dislikes all the stuff about being "strong" and "the fight" - she doesn't see any sense in "fighting" her own body, it just decided to do this thing and she's a passenger, there's no point fighting with herself about it, or some omnipotent malevolent force, and I think she's right). Cancer is common sadly and the best way to deal with it is the best way to deal with most things, unfortunately. Live, keep on and try not to mourn the cancer in some way, certainly not before knowing what's happening with it. You can't know what you don't know until you know that, even more so those things you didn't know you didn't know. That's a gooseberry fool place to be. It's scary and of all the illnesses and ailments out there, I think cancer is one of the most evocative illnesses of those kinds of fears. Just not knowing gooseberry fool, then. I could have put it simpler.

I'm not entirely comfortable in what I say there but I've seldom written about it in retrospect, I don't think I mentioned it more than a couple of times, and it was not the first time. I just hope in time things can settle and like my mum's cancer journey it can indeed be a part of life, a different life - yes, but life nonetheless. I don't want to get into anything more morbid than that, but even then, it is all living until whatever comes to pass. I guess that's one way I've processed the experiences.

[It wasn't quite right what I said earlier about contemplating one's own mortality learning of someone else's cancer - I think cancer does do that, like a lot of sad or worrying news, I just make a clear distinction between that experience and saying something kind of stupid like, "I know how hard this must be for you" to someone with cancer, if you've never had cancer. That phrase is utter nonsense in so many contexts. If I had cancer and someone cancer-free said that I'd be pretty pissed off to be honest. And yet that is exactly what everyone is trying to do, and wants to do, and that isn't wrong. I can't articulate it well, but I think that's one of the most trying things about cancer.]

Excellent post, thank you for taking the time to write this GG

Victor Mildew wrote:We were talking about how lovely and quiet her room is, when with peep show grade comedy timing, the old guy in the room opposite put his TV on full volume with some gooseberry fool 70s sounding cop show on, followed by some cowboy thing.

I hope you can see the humour here, but it did make me laugh that even in times like this, you're still moaning about noise.

Victor Mildew wrote:

Moggy wrote:

Victor Mildew wrote:
I've also discovered hanging around at meal times is good because someone then gets to eat the ice cream someone else doesn't want

I've not spoken about this as I can't bear talking about such things, but we've had a shitty year with my stepdad receiving cancer treatment.

But I mention it here as there are always funny moments. For us, it's been the rage my stepdad gets himself into over sandwiches. His chemo treatments are almost always booked in just before lunchtime and he usually gets there in time for free sandwiches being handed out. He LOVES getting things for free, so for him it's the best thing since sliced bread (joke intended).

If he's ever late, or the treatment is early, and he misses the sandwiches, my mum has to hear about his disappointment for at least a day afterwards. It's now a running joke ("did you get your sandwich today?") every Monday, even though he's now finished treatment.

Sorry to hear that. strawberry floating cancer.

The sandwich thing is classic, people love to fixate on the daftest things

We were talking about how lovely and quiet her room is, when with peep show grade comedy timing, the old guy in the room opposite put his TV on full volume with some gooseberry fool 70s sounding cop show on, followed by some cowboy thing.

My father in law was in hospital for a week recently with a few issues including an infection and he was very fixated on his sandwiches as well, if he didn't get a ham one then he didn't want anything, even things he would normally eat outside of the hospital.... and it had to be a ham sandwich from them because of the principal of it, one night they gave his pre booked ham sandwich to another guy and didn't have any left for him and he wouldn't let me go and buy him one, because they had promised him one and they had to sort it out....

We were joking with him about stealing mundane things from the hospital like spoons, sugar packets, and bringing them home where we would assign them a point score and let him know if he had won the bronze silver or gold.... This did work out in my favour as he pocketed two packs of 3 ginger biscuits another patient didn't want and brought them back to me, he remembered I had said I wanted to eat a few ginger biscuits but didn't want to buy a pack cause of me dieting bless him.

kerr9000 wrote:

Victor Mildew wrote:

Moggy wrote:

Victor Mildew wrote:
I've also discovered hanging around at meal times is good because someone then gets to eat the ice cream someone else doesn't want

I've not spoken about this as I can't bear talking about such things, but we've had a shitty year with my stepdad receiving cancer treatment.

But I mention it here as there are always funny moments. For us, it's been the rage my stepdad gets himself into over sandwiches. His chemo treatments are almost always booked in just before lunchtime and he usually gets there in time for free sandwiches being handed out. He LOVES getting things for free, so for him it's the best thing since sliced bread (joke intended).

If he's ever late, or the treatment is early, and he misses the sandwiches, my mum has to hear about his disappointment for at least a day afterwards. It's now a running joke ("did you get your sandwich today?") every Monday, even though he's now finished treatment.

Sorry to hear that. strawberry floating cancer.

The sandwich thing is classic, people love to fixate on the daftest things

We were talking about how lovely and quiet her room is, when with peep show grade comedy timing, the old guy in the room opposite put his TV on full volume with some gooseberry fool 70s sounding cop show on, followed by some cowboy thing.

My father in law was in hospital for a week recently with a few issues including an infection and he was very fixated on his sandwiches as well, if he didn't get a ham one then he didn't want anything, even things he would normally eat outside of the hospital.... and it had to be a ham sandwich from them because of the principal of it, one night they gave his pre booked ham sandwich to another guy and didn't have any left for him and he wouldn't let me go and buy him one, because they had promised him one and they had to sort it out....

We were joking with him about stealing mundane things from the hospital like spoons, sugar packets, and bringing them home where we would assign them a point score and let him know if he had won the bronze silver or gold.... This did work out in my favour as he pocketed two packs of 3 ginger biscuits another patient didn't want and brought them back to me, he remembered I had said I wanted to eat a few ginger biscuits but didn't want to buy a pack cause of me dieting bless him.

This is great

Scan on her chest area shows nothing, lower scan showed nothing, so they are now looking at her bile duct (or something like that). There's a chance she's home today so I'm tidying the garden and stuff, keeping busy doing stuff like staining a fence which I should have done ages ago.

The dog continues to be amazing. My friends have all been really supportive too.

Her dad (who has prostate cancer) is in denial though. He's peddling Facebook conspiracy gooseberry fool and thinks she's actually fine, and it's just an infection from a tick (seriously for strawberry float sake), so the doctors are wrong. Has the means to have come and visited but hasn't, so we're both pretty strawberry floated off with it but starting a family argument isn't going to help at the moment.

You're absolutely right in the sense that it's not worth expending energy which is better put to use elsewhere. Her dad will eventually come round, I hope, but for now you both need to focus on what's ahead of you. I know I said it already, but I really am gutted for you mate, and I wish you both all the very best.

So....I self-harmed for the first time in years. Just feel like I'm a gooseberry fool person and I'm starting to feel like I hate myself. I've zero interest in anything and I've not got anyone to talk to. I'm putting on a front but my friends seem to be pulling away from me despite me faking being ok (not the first time I've found myself in this situation, not sure why I expected this time would be any different). My mum has enough on her plate with my aunt being in a home and talking about suicide so can't really talk to family. I'm not going to kill myself or anything just not enjoying life at the moment and nothing I'm trying (and I am trying) is making a difference. I just have so many unconnected issues to work through and I don't know where to start.

rather than feeling all jumbled up, have you ever considered writing everything down?

if you have unconnected issues, write them down and try to work out what the solution to that problem is. You'll probably find that the solutions are outwith your reach... for now, but at least your head will feel less jumbled.

Outrunner wrote:So....I self-harmed for the first time in years. Just feel like I'm a gooseberry fool person and I'm starting to feel like I hate myself. I've zero interest in anything and I've not got anyone to talk to. I'm putting on a front but my friends seem to be pulling away from me despite me faking being ok (not the first time I've found myself in this situation, not sure why I expected this time would be any different). My mum has enough on her plate with my aunt being in a home and talking about suicide so can't really talk to family. I'm not going to kill myself or anything just not enjoying life at the moment and nothing I'm trying (and I am trying) is making a difference. I just have so many unconnected issues to work through and I don't know where to start.

Self harming is never the answer, i really hope you never do that to yourself again. The best thing you've said here is that you aren't going to kill yourself. It sounds like you need to talk to someone desperately. If you ever feel like talking about it, as others have said here recently, we're all here for each other. Maybe seeing if you talking therapy may help at all so you can talk out all of your problems to someone without feeling like you're "burdoning" anyone? Or finding a friend who you can just talk to whenever you're at your lowest?

I've had issues myself, which I'm still working through but I'm getting there. The best advice my therapist told me was to take things at your own pace. It sounds like you have a lot of issues, but if you rush to try and get it all done in one go you might end up in even more of a mess and feel even worse in the end. Take your time. Even if it feels like you're not going at everyone else's pace, that doesn't matter. You matter. So look after yourself! You said your issues are unconnected, so maybe try to find something small to start with that'll be easier for you to handle, then lead up to the bigger stuff? I'm sorry if I'm rambling here, just know you are loved and people care, even if at times it doesn't seem it.

Outrunner wrote:So....I self-harmed for the first time in years. Just feel like I'm a gooseberry fool person and I'm starting to feel like I hate myself. I've zero interest in anything and I've not got anyone to talk to. I'm putting on a front but my friends seem to be pulling away from me despite me faking being ok (not the first time I've found myself in this situation, not sure why I expected this time would be any different). My mum has enough on her plate with my aunt being in a home and talking about suicide so can't really talk to family. I'm not going to kill myself or anything just not enjoying life at the moment and nothing I'm trying (and I am trying) is making a difference. I just have so many unconnected issues to work through and I don't know where to start.

I can't pretend I can understand what's happening to you, but I hope there's someone you can talk to and get help from.

My nan has been ringing people up telling them my Mrs has had a double mastectomy

Victor Mildew wrote:My nan has been ringing people up telling them my Mrs has had a double mastectomy

Is this a "bless her" moment? Or has she annoyingly tipped people off you didn't want knowing yet?

Hope you are okay, Ad7. I can't imagine how or what you and your wife are going through. We all are here for you both.